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April 24, 2008

Secrets.

Luke's pretty good about keeping secrets. We currently have a present for Silas's May birthday that's been sitting in the trunk of my car since early February. Luke guards it with his life. Silas can't even breathe in that direction. He never tells Daddy what we're getting him for Christmas or Silas what exciting thing we're doing the next day. The one thing he can't keep a secret about? The fact that we're going to have another baby.

We knew it would be hard. It is very exciting and something we knew the boys would be thrilled about, so we did our best to minimize leakage and told them as close as possible to when we were going to start telling family. They were excited. We were excited. However, when Beau left for work that morning, he meant to remind me to tell the boys that this was a secret. I didn't even think about it. What could happen between now and the next time we saw family? A LOT. Or at least...ENOUGH.

First of all, our next door neighbor could want to borrow some milk. Which wouldn't be a problem except that she decided to come over here instead of vice versa. The moment she stepped in the door, Luke greets her with, "Hey, guess what? Mommy's going to-"

"Hey! Hey! Hey! That's a secret!" I cheerfully chide, panicked.

"It is? But can't I tell her?"

"Um...no. We have to...um...no...not yet...um...Daddy." Ugh. Now I'm the mean neighbor that keeps secrets and blames them on her husband.

Later, as she's about to leave, Luke puts his hand on my tummy and mumbles halfway to himself, "Doesn't Mommy's tummy look bigger?" I don't think she heard, but she knows. I know she knows.

After she left, I had the talk. I told the boys that this was a big secret, and we were going to tell everyone in due time. They couldn't say anything unless we said it was okay, and I laid out the next several people we were going to tell and how we would do it so that they wouldn't get antsy.

But then an hour later my mother-in-law called and sweetly asked to speak to the boys. I held the phone to my chest as I whispered to the boys to remember not to say anything about the baby. Luke panicked.

"Mommy, I don't want to talk to her. If I do, I'm going to tell her about the baby in your tummy."

"Okay, okay. Silas can talk to her then."

But right before Silas gets on the phone, Luke leans over to him and whispers, "Don't tell her about the baby!" Well, if those two things didn't lead to the next, I don't know what else would.

"Hi! Is this Silas?"

"Yes. Mommy has a ba-"

"Aaaaah!" I start yelling to drown him out and pull the phone back, taking the boys off speaker phone lickety-split. "Mother? We're having a discipline issue. I'm sorry. We'll have to talk to you later." Who can argue with that?

And no, the boys weren't really in trouble. They just can't do it. It's too much to ask. It's too big of a deal, and they're too excited. It reminds me of one of Luke's old QotM's: "These words...they just have to come out!"

April 11, 2008

+

Okay, it's been about 3 hours since I found out that yes, I am indeed pregnant! I had a feeling this time. In all the time since Silas's birth, there were times I might've thought I was pregnant, but didn't actually take a test. I told Beau I was going to take a test next Friday but secretly decided to do it a week early so that I could surprise him if it was positive. He was definitely surprised!

Of course, the test I had in my cabinet was so old that it had already expired. But I figured that if the test was going to be "bad", it would lean more toward a false negative than a false positive. At least that's what I'm hoping. I'll go get another test today just to make sure...

{The next one is positive, too!}

It's weird how different each of the excitements of finding out have been. With Luke, we had been trying for a year and almost didn't believe it. With Silas, we were totally caught off guard and thrilled. With this one, it feels as if God is continuing His plan for our family. With each one, I got a certain feeling in the pit of my stomach as I thought about being pregnant - kind of like the anticipation of Christmas morning - and I'm getting it right now as I type this.

I want this baby to know: how much you're wanted and loved and how happy we are to have you be a part of our family. You will have the two best brothers we could hope for, who are going to be thrilled to have you in our family (I hope! They've said so before!) I hope you love our family as much as we love you, and we pray that God has you in His hands both now and always.